I know who I'm supposed to be!

So today I'm walking down the street and I see one of those street performers called mimes.
You know the ones I'm talking about, they're dress in white and black and constantly get stuck in the box. They drive me bonkers because I always end up thinking about them all day. It's not normal thoughts that past through my head like why did they end up being street performers, or where do they want to end up? It's stupid thoughts like what would happen if i hit them in the stomach really hard with a loaf of bread? Would they actually speak and would they retaliate? Would they come after me? Or would they be annoying to me if they weren't wearing black and white? Would having color like bright red on make me stop and stare at them while they performed? And if stupid questions like that weren't enough i start thinking about who actually made mimes an art? And is it the universes way of trying to tell us something and you know I'm just missing the sign? Right, am i really supposed to be playing attention to the box? Questions like that all running through my head and then you know what happens? Before i know it i have walked an hour past my destination and now I'm stuck in apart of town I've never been in and i have no way of knowing how or when i passed my spot.
That's when you know you have a lot on your mind, right there. When you are distracted by a mime. I guess though that's to be expected. I mean I just moved and left all my friends. All of my security blankets behind. I knew that change was coming and it was my decision to leave my home town, but i will admit it's been hard. Now I'm one tough bitch. I always have been, but I'm also willing to admit that being completely by myself with no way to manipulate my situation, is just a tad bit scary and annoying. I'm use to being able to call my friends to get out of trouble, to help me start a new project, or to further my career, but now it's all on my shoulders. I guess in a way it's good because when i succeed in accomplishing everything i want to i will know it's because I never gave up. And i know that i will do it because I have people who will be there and have been there to support my decision to follow my dreams. and i won't let my dreams go just because things get tough. I refuse to let myself become second rate because one dream might be jeopardized if i don't choose the easiest path. I expect to get all of my dreams out of life and on my terms. :)

Hot Hate Sex

For a long time I thought this was just a myth. Hot hate sex, I thought wow, really, who would do this. I know that when I'm mad there is know way of breaking me out of it. I see red and there's nothing anyone can do until I'm ready to calm down myself. So of course I thought this has to be one of those things where ya know it only happens in movies. Wow, was I very wrong. Sleeping with someone you can't stand most of the time, is the most liberating experience ever. When both people can't stand each other your not worried about making sure that the other person is satisfied. You can't think straight, all you do is feel. It's an animal instinct that takes over. It's rough, dirty, a little painful and just great! It's addictive. A drug, a high that you don't want to repeat but something you just can't help but do again. When your done you have the same withdrawal that you would if you were doing blow. All you can do is say ugh and start your day over. Crazy!

Its easier living the lie sometimes

I was recently watching the movie Catch Me If You Can, and one of the lines in the movie caught my ear. The cop says to Frank that sometimes it's easier living the lie. I hate this statement because it so dead on with the real world. How many people do you know right now who are doing that very thing? Your husband cheats and you look the other way. Your up to your neck in debt but you go out and buy the newest car and house you can get credit for. This is part of everyone ones daily life. Then what happens after people start living the lie they tend to ignore that they are doing it. They use any means to avoid seeing they are doing, they start watching TV, they begin judging people constantly out loud to all their friends and they forget how to be a real person. Their conscience gets grayer and grayer and pretty soon the lies are thirty years old and bigger than anyone ever imagine. I think the only main thing that happens years after first beginning the lie is that it starts to fester inside the person and then they get bitter. I think that people should just do what they want and say fuck it. Your much happier when you do and nobody opinions ever really matter.

Zoned out with the real world

I recently met a friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in a while. Well call her Jane. Jane was someone who I always looked up to. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. She is hot, smart, funny and confident in everything she has ever did. In my eyes this girl was someone who should have been the marketing image for what a strong woman should be. She is great, she'll try anything once and loves to have a good time. With all that I've said about her, you can just imagine how excited I was to get to see and visit with her. Well so we went to lunch and started talking about what we had been doing with our lives and what we were still planning to do. Now we all have goals in life. Its what makes life goes so fast. They can big, like becoming rich when you grew up dirt poor. They can be small, like spending more time with your family, friends, or significant other. I understand that every one's goals are not the same and that what might be important to me might not be important to my girl-friend. I get that, but while Jane and I were talking about life I couldn't help feel a little disappointed with her. It seems that she is engaged and about to have a baby. Now that is great for her, she always wanted a family and her dream man, I am really excited for her. But.... anytime I asked her anything about life, what she wanted to do after the excitement of the baby and wedding went away, she didn't understand or didn't know. She say well I'm a mother now or I'll be a wife then so ya know...She begin talking about how lucky she was to have found a man like her fiance and how she couldn't wait to use all her baby stuff. I love my girl-friend very much but I think she lost herself a little bit. She slipped back into the little girl mode who believes in fairy-tales. That's not reality. You can be happy with family and marriage but life doesn't stop, you don't live happily ever after and that's it. You wake up after the honeymoon and realize shit I got to go to work and my dog needs to go for a walk. That I have bills to pay and a new book to finish writing or whatever. I know that I'm rambling but I just don't understand have someone can forget that they are so much more talented then planning a wedding or picking out what your kids are going to wear for the day. Don't get me wrong that is exciting when it's new. But please try to remember that not everyone shares the same excitement for your goal as you do. Anyone who loves you is going to support you and listen to you, but please try to remember that while you constantly talking about fairy-tale land, we want to talk about the new photography opening that we're about to do and that we're just as excited about our idea as you are about your moment.

Girls just can't have any fun anymore

Okay... I could start my first blog by telling you guys all about myself but if your reading this, you probably already know who I am. You already know I'm spoiled, crazy and entertaining as hell! That I come from a small town and even though I don't like to admit it, I love it.
Anyway what I've decided to do with this blog is to use it as a place to vent. You know write the things that I want to say, about any topic any time without being polite or politically correct. I know use a blog to write about anything and everything there's a concept right. :) I'm warning all of you now, anyone reading this is going to go through so many emotions. Sometimes I might piss you off and other times you'll think man she really is crazy. Most of the time I just hope you enjoy reading the thoughts that constantly run through my head all day long.
So to kick off my first blog I've decided to Bitch about how a girl can't have fun anymore without people thinking she's twisted. I love having parties! Any kind of party, any social get together for any reason is a hidden pleasure of mine. I love having all my friends constantly around, and don't get me wrong I love my solitude too, but I have to have at least one party a week. Just seeing close friends and family enjoying themselves just makes me go girly. You know all warm and fuzzy inside (all mushy). The bigger and crazier, the better. Doesn't matter where its at, or what the theme is. That's just the type of person I am. Now here is where the trouble always starts. I will admit I have found out that men have so much more fun than females. This is one of the reasons why most of the time I am surrounded by my guy friends (most of who I feel are just like my brother). They are usually game for almost anything. That game can range from anything really like floating the river at midnight, to oh I don't know... taking a ten hour drive to Vegas just to see if we can get into the Bunny Ranch with only 3 dollars to our name (actual road trip, of course). Anyway the other thing I have found is that guys usually forgive the crazy bullshit that us girls do when we're on whatever adrenalin rush we're on. So of course running around with tons of guys and doing crazy shit without always having another females companion around doesn't look good. I don't have a problem with hearing peoples opinions, accusations or any advice they feel they must say to try and help me, but at least get your facts right. If your going to waste my time lecturing me about how a lady should act and what types of parties are socially acceptable please don't start referencing gossip to me. First off, I mean if you get up the balls to lecture me about my entertainment I promise you I will do everything in my power to honestly listen to what you feel you need to say. I would shut my mouth, open my eyes and ears and listen with my full heart, clear up until you spill gossip toward me. That's just a waste of my time. I do enough stupid and crazy fucked up shit without someone needing to invent stories about me, please just get the facts right. Secondly, know who you are talking to. I don't know everything and really I understand that I am young but a let's get one thing straight, If you heard a tiny bit about what I was up to this weekend or who I might have been with I'm sure it wasn't even close to what could have potentially happened. I will admit I enjoy being the center of attention, I like telling stories hell I even love hearing myself speak. I love sharing crazy experiences with friends, and most of all I love the fact that fifty years from now I will remember all the fun I had as a young girl. So the next time you want to talk about what I have been up to and how damaging it could be, why don't you just not and instead come out and have some fun with me.